How to Choose Your Girl Tribe

Nicole Caruso is a New Jersey based health and wellness junkie with a thirst for helping others. She is a graduate of New York University where she obtained her Master's Degree in Social Work. When she isn't chasing bliss and peace, she is teaching group fitness programs at the gym, spending time with her loved ones (at the beach!) and putting a healthy, delicious spin on favorite dessert recipes. She has found her glow and wants to help other women find theirs!

Hint: Victoria really does have the secret.  

We’ve all been there. We’re feeling a tad disconnected from a social circle, or  perhaps yearning for juicy, authentic connection.  Or maybe we just want effortless fun with our girlfriends.

Female friendships are not only a fun place to blow off steam but I believe they are essential to helping women thrive and fundamental for our soul’s growth. Without our girlfriends who would we vent to about that amazing (or awful) date? Who would we beg to sign up for that race with us? Or better yet, who would we share our deepest and most sacred soul desires with?

So what do you do if you haven’t found your girl tribe? What if you’ve outgrown your old tribe and you’re jonesing for that new fit?  Ya ready for it?

Put your Victoria Secret game face on and start shopping.

Through the years, I’ve pondered the topic of female friendships.  I’ve thought long and hard about of how to find a girl tribe that just feels right.  No need to over complicate it; our girlfriends should parallel our best fitting bras.  Here are my top 4 criteria for finding  your girl tribe.

1.) They should provide support.

When’s the last time you wore a bra that made you look droopy? Or you felt like at any moment you were gonna fall right out of it? Yeah, not a good feeling.  Our girl tribes should be no different.  We want the women we surround ourselves with to pick us up when we’ve landed face first in a mess of a situation.  When it’s Saturday morning and I just killed my workout, I want to share coffee with my girls and have them cheering me on.  Support is everything.

2.) They should make you feel comfortable.

There are few worse things than a really uncomfortable bra.  One of them being a group of friends that makes you feel discomfort.  Now, I’m not talking the good discomfort that comes from deep conversations that are necessary or being confronted when you are dead wrong.  I’m talking about that Saturday night when you’ve got your dancing shoes on, and you find yourself adjusting your bra all. night. long. Good girlfriends will never leave you feeling ridiculously uncomfortable. They should feel effortless. You feel good with them whether you’re in a t-shirt and sweats or dolled up for a wedding.

3.) They should flatter you.  

Ok, this is a biggie.  Everyone wants to feel confident and look good.  I’m not talking the looking good for the sake of looking good.  A real friend should flatter your unique personality and never try to change you, but enhance you.  If you’re someone who finds sports bras more appealing to your lifestyle, then I would say a high-tech push up bra ain’t your thang.  If you find your friends are trying to mold you into someone you’re not, RUN.

4.) They should provide coverage.

I don’t want to be spilling out of my bra and I sure as heck don’t want my closest girls spilling my secrets either.  I want my friends to have my back (and front) and hold things in place for me without needing to constantly ask, or adjust.  When it comes to real friendship I want to feel safe in knowing that I’m covered from all angles, with whatever life throws my way.  When we secure those friendships that provide that coverage from whatever life throws at us, there is an ease and confidence as we navigate our way.

Just like bras, we will outgrow some friendships and that’s perfectly ok.  We need to remember that for some moment in time, that bra, that girlfriend, provided us with the support we needed.  Some friendships become too restricting, while maybe others are flattering but provide little to zero coverage and support.  It’s all good.  We outgrow and we shop again.

The really strong friendships have the potential to possess all four of the above criteria without the knowledge that they are.  Because, they just fit in an effortless fashion.  When you can be with your girls, whether it’s grabbing coffee or out during a summer evening making memories, and feel the same level of support, comfort, flattery and coverage, I think you can safely say you’ve found your perfect girl tribe.

 

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Jessica Baumgardner